How people get stuck in incidents and sacrifice every “now”, by filtering it through the past
Everyday life is full of unpredictable events. Some of them are small, others are big. And then, of course, come the huge ones. The unpredictability of life is inevitable. If you can’t accept that, you are going to be dragged by every little unexpected thing that comes up. This is going to stop your …flow, both internally and externally. And the problem is, you usually don’t investigate why, and this way, you put your freedom in the mortgage.
When somebody punches you in the face, your body loses its balance and gets out of its center axis for a few seconds. But then, it reverts to it. You -on the other hand- don’t do the same. You get angry or sad etc. You may respond verbally or in a nonverbal way. In either of these options, you stay in that incident, even when your day has moved forward and you‘re not in front of the person who punched you.
You still “carry” the incident, instead of carrying on.
Our reaction to anything is an energy that needs to come out. I understand the need of responding to somebody or something but, have you ever thought about what happens if you keep carrying something after the response you gave?
Have you ever observed for how long do you “carry” an incident after it has become past? Have you ever wondered for how long you are affected by it after its ending?
People think that they live in their present but most of them, live in their past. They interpret things, relationships, others’ actions, etc., based on what they’ve lived in another time. Their past experiences have created beliefs, stereotypes, views, opinions, and they percolate everything through these.
Most of the time, it’s not you who decide on your life. It’s your memory that does it for you.
Do not sacrifice all your “now”, by filtering them through the past.
Someone told you “I don’t like what you wear” and this becomes a problem in your mind, because you don’t like yourself or because your mother used to tell you that you don’t pick nice clothes or an ex-lover used to have the same opinion. Say something or don’t say something. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is what you do with the whole thing after all. Stay in silence, observe what you felt and answer the question “why did that bother me?”. Use the answer to take yourself further. After that, you can also transform what will have come out of it, into creativity. Write, paint, work, plant, etc. Do this procedure to be sure that you are not going to carry anger or disappointment after the incident. This way, what the incident caused you, will have been used to create something with value and it won’t follow you for days, weeks, years.
Then, MOVE ON. Don’t get stuck there. Flow.
I know people who lose their “balance”, even because of coffee that was accidentally poured over their clothes while they were going to work the same morning. They talk about it during their whole break at work and also when they return home. They could have given that energy to answering questions such as “Why do I care so much?”, “Why is my appearance so important to me?”, “Why do I want to have a perfect image all the time?”. This option could have these as the next steps:
- Facing the reality of seeing themselves directly.
- Using the results for transforming themselves.
- Moving on.
People discuss their car’s tire that popped the earlier day, in a way that makes the incident sound like the problem of their life. They got mad the moment it happened, and they got stuck at that moment for at least 24 hours! Can you imagine how many of their (re)actions were affected by that? And, even worse: Can you see what their reactions will be when more serious things occur?
Somebody gets a divorce and spends months, years, or whole life, talking about what the ex had done to them. The other option here? “Why was I accepting my husband’s/wife’s behavior and didn’t support myself by declaring my limits?”, “Why didn’t I express what bothered me?”, “What does this mean about my relationship with myself?”, “Where does this have its roots?”, “What can I do to heal/ fix that wound of my childhood and rearrange how I see myself?”. When you have the courage to use well the answers to these questions, you will be grateful for your choice to have that person in your life(It was your choice, remember?). This way, you are going to be FREE. Otherwise, you will carry your …whatever follows you from the divorce to the next relationship, to your behavior as a parent, to all the sectors of your everyday life. Because you didn’t do anything else than getting stuck there.
People can’t free themselves from the tyranny of their beliefs, the unsolved things from the past, their personality that was built unconsciously -during childhood- in a large percentage.
Evolution and self-actualization aren’t about watching videos of personal development or reading books about that. These can only give a “pinch”. If you don’t observe and explore where and why you get stuck in incidents/people/others’ opinion etc., and what is the rοοt of sticking there, your gait in everyday life is not a flowing movement, but it’s more like dragging a heavy load on a muddy road.
Anthi Psomiadou — CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 International : Credit must be given to the creator/ Only noncommercial uses of the work are permitted/ No derivatives